Just a Winter Storm?
As most ACU students are probably aware, the University took the rare step of shutting down the school for the entire day on Tuesday, and half the day on Wednesday. (If you weren’t aware, and spent Tuesday sitting in classrooms alone, smugly congratulating yourself for being the only to show up, please seek help. And go sign up for the ACU/ACUPD Big Brother Alert System, so they can inform and control you better.) While there is a class of ACU students more interested in their Xbox’s and movies than school who were no doubt happy; I have spoken to a large number who I think represent a more discerning, dismayed majority. “Just think of the hours of educational opportunity lost by this closure,” said Chelsea Booker, a sophomore English major. “I personally missed four classes and a lab,” she continued, “I will never be able to recoup that opportunity.” Chelsea went away looking glum, but this reporter was still to uncover the worst. In a conversation with junior Marcus Upp, a marketing major from Austin, an even darker motive than depriving students of educational opportunity was revealed. “I missed six hours,” he told me, “and at about 38 dollars per hour, the university ripped me off for $228! Look at it this way,” he continued rapidly, “Let’s say there are 3900 ACU undergrads taking an average of 10 semester hours per person. For the period the university was shut down, we can assume that at least 15,000 class hours were lost. At current tuition rates of nearly $600 per-semester-hour, the university made a killing of nearly 600 grand!” Whoa. No wonder ACU developed an emergency notice system that can be used to quickly shut down classes on any given day. Student lose out to the tune of at least half a million dollars every time this happens. A third conversation only deepened my suspicions. Ed White is an Animal Science major from Michigan. “This is ridiculous!” he told me. “What the [heck] is the University worried about anyway? There’s nothing terrible about this weather. My brother is shoveling out a foot of snow back home, and school is only delayed there!” When I asked him about whether the driving conditions were not a legitimate concern, he responded that he had driven around Abilene late Tuesday, and saw nothing extraordinary. “I slid around a little at one or two spots, but it wasn’t even close to bad.”
So in the events of the past two days, we find all the elements of a dark conspiracy. The means (ACU Big Brother Alert), the motive (money, what else!), and the excuse (the bad weather and resulting “dangerous” road conditions.) It’s up to each student to examine these facts and decide for themselves whether or not there is more happening than just a seemingly fortuitous weather break.
Investigative journalism by John MacLain.
This is great. I guess I can take a break next week. The Pessimist has got things covered. Yippee Kiyay Mother F—–!
Daniel Johnson-Kim said this on 29/01/2009 at 23:31
As the Chief Copy Editor for the Optimist, I commend you on your hard work and dedication to reporting the truth. However, your grammatical mistakes and deviation from AP Style are cause for alarm. Please refer to the Optimist for correct story formats.
If you are going to publish the news, please hire a good copy editor!
Kelline Linton said this on 29/01/2009 at 23:55
Please, continue to write in a manner which students will find someone intriguing. We could honestly care less about the slight grammatical or spelling error. What we want is news from a realist perception. Not something that simply brown-noses the bureaucratic system that has forced it’s riegn tyrannically above us.
As a great philisopher once said:
“It is wiser to be a pessimist. You are either always right or pleasently suprised.”
Silence Dogood said this on 30/01/2009 at 01:14
I agree. I also was interested in this admirable news coverage but unfortunately was distracted by over 20 grammatical errors. Better luck next time, buddy.
hleiphart said this on 30/01/2009 at 01:17
Oh no! 20 grammatical errors on a blog? what a shame that you counted… maybe you could find other blogs too with some errors in your free time?
newpessimistfan said this on 30/01/2009 at 01:49
Don’t worry friends, I assure you that we here at the Pessimist do our best to follow the journalistic standard set by the New York Times. We also are part of the new journalistic style revolution called REMIX. We feel like this style is far superior to the AP format since it enhances our ability to report REAL News That Really Matters.
solomanvandi said this on 30/01/2009 at 01:49
And besides, things with the word “REMIX” have made it to the top of many different charts. The only chart that “AP” has ever made it to is the “Top 50 Things that Waste High School Students’ Time and Government Funding.”
I might add that it did not even make it to the top 10 of this chart, but rather sat lazily at 48 for it’s entire existance. Show a little initiative, “AP.” You could at least pull ahead of “Longer passing periods” and “The Internet.” I mean, come on. “The Internet” is still in his potty pants! You’re getting beat by an infant!
My point is this: AP obviously has no lasting plan for it’s life, but would rather turn college into one huge party where the beer is the only thing more stale than the women. REMIX is going places. It’s got the drive to succeed that AP is obviously lacking.
Silence Dogood said this on 30/01/2009 at 10:59
Daniel, thanks for your encouraging words. We at the Pessimist are glad to be able to share the burdens of ACU news and reporting with you and provide a no doubt deserved rest if you feel you need it.
John MacLain said this on 30/01/2009 at 22:45
“What we want is news from a realist perception. Not something that simply brown-noses the bureaucratic system that has forced it’s riegn tyrannically above us.”
Silence Dogood, what part of our reporting has been brown-nosing? Perhaps it was the in-depth article printed last week that examined students displeasure with unsatisfactory library hours. Maybe it was the editorial that we printed in the Spring of 2008 that demanded students be treated like adults and the alcohol policy be changed — which it was. Maybe it was the article in the Spring of 2008 that I wrote about the handful of faculty members who were fired because of budget constraints. We printed the article despite criticism from the Faculty Senate and the Provost’s office. I’m pretty sure we weren’t brown nosing the time our editorial board took a bold step and endorsed President Barack Obama during the 2008 Election. We stood by our 5-4 vote despite the vicious e-mails, criticism and, for lack of a better word, crap we received from alumni, faculty, staff, students and their grandmas after it printed. If you truly believe we are brown-nosing university officials, then you must not be a frequent reader of our publication and you ust not visit our Web site very often. I recommend you take a paper from a hard-working Optimist staff member this Wednesday and read it cover to cover. Perhaps you will change your mind, perhaps not. But in the meantime me and my staff will continue to produce award-winning journalism that has been cranked out by students since 1912. Yes, we are the oldest student group on campus. Believe it or not we were even here before Bob Hunter.
Daniel Johnson-Kim said this on 02/02/2009 at 04:28
Mr. Daniel Johnson-Kim,
I believe you may have taken me a bit too seriously. I am at all times sarcastic or satirical (except for those times when I am not) about everything (except for about which things which I am not).
To be entirely honest with you, I do respect the Optimist. I have many friends who work tireless hours at it. Understand, this is not an apology. I am far too bull-headed to ever admit to being wrong. Quite frankly, I never am. Ever. I do read The Optimist nearly every Wednesday I have a chance (in my classes). It’s far more interesting.
I am a firm believer that the news should always be unbiased. The Optimist is normally very exceptional at reporting in a fair manner to all sides. (The exception being the wild fire article last week. I feel as though the reporter only got one side of the story. More work should have been taken to get the wildfire’s intentions and feelings.) Of course, there are always articles that I disagree with. Once, I even wrote to The Optimist about an article I felt was in very poor taste. Of course, this was for a grade in one of my classes. Obviously, a degenerate twenty-something like myself would never actually care about what the news says. After all, I’m probably just an ignoramus who could never understand the satirical work produced by the wonderful writers at The Pessimist, nor the stimulating hard-work of the writers of The Optimist.
I should probably just keep my own witticisms to myself, because they are obviously terribly offencive, and should be taken at face value at all points in times. Ever. Ever. Ever.
Sincerely,
Silence Dogood
Silence Dogood said this on 03/02/2009 at 00:00